Don't Take My Advice
Putting the Experts in Their Place, and Finding Happiness on Your Own Terms
by Lynn Marlow
Advice is all over the place. The number of coaches and advisors, the sources of suggestions and information on life strategies, making changes, finding happiness are popping up by the hundreds - magazines, websites, newsletters, books. Everyone thinks that they have the answer, and everyone thinks that you need to hear about it.
I’m one of those people. I’m here with the audacity to tell you some things that I believe are true, and to try to provide some wisdom that you may find beneficial. But, I urge you, please don’t just swallow it whole. Everything that I, or anyone else, say is only going to be worthwhile to you if it passes muster with your own inner wisdom.
No matter how compelling, how logical the advice of others is, no matter how many experts are telling us what the right answers are, our own hearts are the most powerful, most accurate decision makers we have. Decisions and life paths that are wrong for us bring us dissatisfaction, discomfort, and frustration. They cause us to lose energy, and sometimes affect our health. They cause us to shut down, detach, and become less invested. On the other hand, choices and paths that are right for us give us energy. The challenges are invigorating and stimulate our creative juices. We feel relaxed, energetic, and connected with our creative flow.
I’d like to ask you to think for a moment about a time in your life when you were getting a lot of advice - about a job, a relationship, or something equally important. The advice may have come from your family, or a friend. You may have read books and magazine articles, or had a teacher or counselor who thought they knew what was best for you. I want you to remember how you felt. I’m guessing that you felt unsure and confused. Maybe you were angry. At the very least, you probably felt like you were losing perspective, and that your heart and your head were in conflict. You may have felt too guilty to not take everyone else’s advice, and made a bad decision. Or you may have wanted to rebel, and still made a bad decision. It could be that, the more confused and unsure you felt, the more you sought out the advice of others; but the more you listened to their advice, the more unsure you felt. Somewhere in that vicious cycle, your heart, and your inner wisdom, was getting lost.
Those who claim to have answers draw us in, since they appear to offer the very clarity and decisiveness that we are seeking. Those who love us want us to stay close, make them proud, or at least not embarrass them, so they tend to encourage us to make safe and predictable choices. People whose own lives have been changed for the better become evangelists, believing with all their heart that they need to get everyone to understand their point of view, and climb on the bandwagon. Experts have extensive knowledge, and are dedicated to their own perspective, wanting to sell you on their ideas and their brilliance. To be fair, most who give advice do it out of a genuine desire to benefit others. They are so enthusiastic about their own insights, and so certain of their own inner wisdom that they want to help you improve your life. And, as long as they are offering their ideas as just one of your many options, that’s great.
It’s up to all of us to maintain a healthy skepticism toward the promise of simple answers. We can and should be open to all the wisdom around us, but it is crucial that we keep only what resonates within us, and discard the rest. For most of life’s difficult questions, there is no absolute right answer. It is possible that any number of different paths would provide you with growth and happiness. Maybe the decision is difficult to make because we are presented with so many potentially right answers. If we assume that there is just one right answer, better than all the rest, we get stuck trying to figure out which one it is. If we look at our options from the perspective of good and bad, right or wrong, we just can’t decide.
The only way to choose well between two or more potentially right answers is to feel your way through the decision. It’s not about what’s right. It’s about what’s right for you. An important decision doesn’t end with the choice. You are making a commitment to your chosen path, and a promise to do all you can to make it work. What makes a choice the right answer for you is what you do with it after the decision has been made. Own your decision, and choose the direction that you can most readily put your commitment and your creative energy behind. If it doesn’t excite you, energize you, and motivate you toward the future, you’re not going to be able to invest enough of yourself to make it the right answer. When all answers have the potential to be right, no one else can tell you what to choose. You have to find the answer by looking deep within yourself, and asking your heart which answer makes it leap up and say, “Yes!” Send
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