Embracing Quirky

"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." — Joe Ancis

by Lynn Marlow

It used to be that when people asked me what I used to be like as a kid, I’d say that I was bland. Beige. I said that I felt kind of boring and quiet, not very interesting. Smart. Nice. Not exciting.

I was the quintessential good girl, trying hard to please, and not taking many risks. I did my work, never got into trouble, and enjoyed making my parents proud. I was shy in certain circumstances, but it would be more accurate to say that I was introverted. I kept many, many things to myself, was often quiet in class, and didn’t like being the center of attention. I went off on my own after high school, and started developing a little more confidence and style, but still assumed that a successful life meant being responsible and being liked by others.

And so life went on. I finished school and ended up working in a very responsible career. I married a guy whom I thought was edgy, and he turned out to be anxious and self involved. I moved into a small New England community where conventionality is an art form. I tried to get it right, but kept feeling like the cool kids weren’t inviting me to their party. I wasn’t particularly happy, and felt out of place, but wasn’t sure why.

Then, a few years ago, the friend who has known me longer than my own sister, who grew up next door to me, came to visit. Sheila and I had been BFF all through elementary, junior high and high school. And, even though she lives about 250 miles away, every time we get together, we pick up right where we left off.

At the time of that visit, I was going through a lot of midlife changes. I had dealt with serious illness and survived. My marriage had ended and my daughter was growing up fast. I was feeling burned out at work. I knew that my life could be better, and I wanted to break out of the conventional rut, be my true self, and let my creative energy through. But I had spent so much of my life trying to be what others expected that I wasn’t sure who the “real me” was. So, while we were sitting around the table after dinner, I asked Sheila how she would describe the kid I was in high school.

I was expecting words like “quiet,” “shy,” “smart,” and so her answer blew me away.

“Quirky,” she said.

Quirky?

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Now you might think that I’d have been insulted by that description, but you would be wrong. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. At first I thought that I got a kick out of her word because Sheila was confirming that, even in high school, I had personality, and that I wasn’t boring. But I’ve come to realize that it wasn’t Sheila’s opinion of me that mattered the most.

What struck me was that her one word fit so perfectly, so beautifully with the way I had always felt inside. In spite of my best efforts to look “normal” on the outside, my quirkiness had still shone through. I realized that quirkiness has always been a part of who I am, and that the only person who hadn’t completely accepted my real self was me. It was OK to be quirky. It was more than OK. That one word freed me from the self-imposed restrictions of trying to be just like everyone else. I was finally able to fully celebrate my beautiful, quirky essential self.

Creativity Takes a Little Quirky

For me, embracing my quirks and allowing my creativity to blossom and flourish went hand in hand. I freed my quirky self to be able to see things in different ways, express things in ways that not everyone will understand, and speak loudly ideas that not everyone will agree with. And in the process my creativity exploded.

Look inside of yourself, at the parts of you that may at times have seemed odd or unconventional. Think of the times when you felt like you didn’t fit in, when you wondered why you saw things differently from other people. Think of the times when you knew your own truth, but were afraid to speak it because you didn’t want others to make fun of you, or think of you as strange.

These quirky parts of you aren't the problem. They are the solution, the source of your individuality and creative flow. The only problem is being worried that if you let your most quirky, oddball self out, others won't like you any more.

If you’re looking for a way to be creative while still pleasing everyone and fitting in well everywhere you go, you may need to rethink your game plan. Being concerned about what others may think stifles creativity. Your creative flow gets dammed up, channeled through your cerebral censor that filters out all the truly innovative, risky, and revolutionary ideas. Regardless of your gifts and talents, you can only go so far, and deep inside, your spirit suffers from those restrictions.

The less we try hard to look “normal” on the outside, the more human we become. Human is warm, loving, curious or funny. Human is angry, disorganized, confused, or scared. Human is courageous and outspoken. Human is quiet and thoughtful. Human is whatever you decide it needs to be. It’s your very individuality, your juicy creative self that makes you beautiful and wonderfully, charmingly human.

Your creativity flows easily from your essential humanity, from the essence of who you really are. Once you welcome your creative flow, it insists on its truth and its energy. Your creativity enters every aspect of your life, and brings your own unique wisdom and expression into your voice, your home, your family, your relationships, your work, your hobbies, your spiritual life, and your aspirations.

We’re all a little strange and quirky inside. It’s those very differences, those ideosyncrasies, the “issues” that make us interesting, deep, and colorful. We have wasted just too much of our lives trying to be normal, whatever that is. We’ve earned our quirks and rough edges. We’ve lived through a lot, and we have something to say.

Embrace your quirky. It's the best part of you.

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©2006 Creativity Unbound