Why Do I Need a Coach for Life?
by Lynn Marlow
"What's the point of hiring a coach? After all, if someone really wants to change their life badly enough, wouldn't they just do it? Aren't coaches just cheerleaders, bucking up their clients' egos, giving little feel-good nuggets? And why all this emphasis on following your heart's desire? What about responsibility and hard work? Besides, it seems kind of silly to think that you need someone's help to find happiness."
Since becoming a coach, I've learned a lot about the power of coaching, and about people's reservations and misconceptions. Life coaching is a relatively new profession, one that many are only now discovering. You might have seen an occasional interview with a coach on TV, or read a magazine article written by a life coach. You might even have heard coaching dismissed as self-indulgent, or "therapy lite."
In the hands of a skilled professional, however, life coaching is an art that has the power to produce profound change, and enable a client to take his or her life to the next level.
Coaching got its start in the business world. Corporations and executives recognized the value of coaches in meeting business and professional goals. Now think about it. Do you think a corporation or business person would keep doing anything that wasn’t cost effective? That wasn’t delivering on its promises? I doubt it.
So, at least in a business environment, coaching was accepted as beneficial and cost effective. Skilled executive coaches now get top dollar for their services, and the field is growing rapidly. So what do businesses know that you don’t know?
I’m guessing that one of the things that may hold you back from considering coaching is the belief that you have to deal with things yourself, and that it’s only OK to ask for help in the most extreme of circumstances. You may figure that it’s OK to ask for help moving or painting your house, but not with being happy. We all ought to know how to make ourselves happy, right?
Happiness and money have a lot in common. I don’t mean to imply that money can buy happiness, or if you have one you necessarily have the other. I mean that, in the larger sense, they’re both rewards. In business, money is the reward. We work because we have to earn a living, and so happiness at work is considered a perk, but not the reason why we do the job. We have to get paid. But in personal life, nobody is around to hand you a check for raising your kids or mopping the kitchen floor, or watching TV. There are rewards for a job well done, like seeing your kids go off to college, or liking the way your house looks. But the ultimate personal reward is happiness. In my opinion, finding happiness is a sacred responsibility, and one of our fundamental reasons for living.
So, back to my original point (you thought I’d lost track, didn’t you?). One of the things that businesspeople recognize is that it’s more than worth it to get help from professionals who can help you achieve your goals. They hire consultants, and experts, and temporary help. And they hire coaches. If businesses think coaches are a valuable resource for helping them to earn more money, why couldn’t you assume that coaches are a valuable resource in helping you to achieve happiness?
Personal life coaching is an outgrowth of business coaching. It arose out of the need that many people had to improve the quality of their lives, to find more satisfaction and happiness, and, often, to make more money doing work they love. Psychotherapy didn’t meet the need, because therapy assumes there is some kind of serious problem. Psychotherapy can get someone from a state of extreme distress to a state of normality. But what if you want to get from feeling neutral and normal to feeling happy and fulfilled?
Coaching fills that gap. To benefit from coaching you don’t have to be in extreme distress. In fact, coaching works best for clients who have strengths and resources, both inside and outside. But, having a powerful vehicle doesn’t mean that you always know how to get where you’re going. Coaching enables clients to use their strengths and resources in more effective, satisfying and powerful ways.
I have a coach. I look forward each week to our conversations, and to the opportunity to talk over where I am and where I’m going. But the most important reason why I have my coach is that I know I couldn’t do a lot of the things I’m doing, and plan to do, without her help. Knowing that I’ll be talking to her each week keeps me on track, keeps me honest, and holds me accountable for my own progress. Talking over ideas with her gives me additional perspectives, an opportunity to decide which ideas are worth pursuing, and alternate ways of acting on the ideas. When I get nervous about pursuing something I’ve never done before, she encourages me, but even more important, gives me feedback I can trust: not inflating my ego, but not bursting my balloon either. If she says that she feels I’m able to accomplish something, I believe her. And that makes me more likely to follow through.
I can’t tell you whether or not a coach is what you need right now. You may see change coming, but aren’t yet at the stage of being ready to act. You may be happy with the progress you’re already making. Regardless of where you are along your journey, always keep in mind that hiring a coach is one significant tool that’s available to you. When you’re ready, you can define your coaching relationship, and choose someone who will best give you what you want.
If you know that happiness will come to you only if you make some major changes in your life, don’t delay happiness any longer, and don’t try to make those changes all by yourself. Supportive friends and family are a wonderful thing, and can carry you far, but sometimes the tools you need for real change come from outside your familiar and comfortable surroundings. Change is difficult, in part because it is so hard to alter your fundamental patterns and views of yourself. A professional coach can offer you the perspective that’s missing, can give you objective and realistic feedback, can challenge you to take the right risks, and will share your enthusiasm about your successes. And that kind of help can make all the difference. Send
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